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Friday, May 17, 2013

The Edge of Suicide

Recently a young woman named Jenn, wrote on her social media status page, "I'm on the edge of suicide. I really feel as if nobody is ever going to love me anymore. I’ve been single for 4 years. The last relationship I had. Was just that many years ago. She broke up with me after she used me to get at her ex-boyfriend. And year after year she keeps rubbing it in my face that she's happy she's with him. She even told me that I'm too sensitive and that I'm never going to fall in love. And after I came out my dad told me to go shoot myself. And so did my ex. She said I should cut nobody wants a sensitive girl like me...My dad, and my ex-girlfriend, Cherish, are to blame for me going to commit suicide...Idk what's wrong with me... :,( I should just get a fun and shoot myself. I’m not doing this for attention. I’m just in a deep state of heartbreak, and hurt...”

When I came across Jenn's status this evening, I thought WOW, I know exactly what this girl is going through. I've been there. So, I reached out to Jenn with a reply;

"I've been at the very same point in my life, which you are now. I could give you platitudes and sound cliché to make you feel better, but if you are anything like me, you'll see right through it. The truth is, being sensitive is a wonderful thing. It means you feel things deeply and strongly. It makes you someone who can not only love another completely for who they are, but are capable of being loved the same way.

You may find disappointment in future relationships, and you will probably be hurt again, but in reality these experiences exist for you to better appreciate and recognize that one true love, which is out there for you. I found my true love after I stopped looking and gave up hope. She pisses me off sometimes, we fought a lot in the beginning, and we never stopped loving each other, even when we are mad. Now, 4 years later I can't imagine how I got along without here for the first 30 years of my life.

So, even though things are looking glum now, and you feel utterly alone, each day is a brand new chance for everything to change. Suicide might seem like an easy escape from the pain, but in reality if you are dead, you can't love and no one can love you. If you take one day at a time, you will find the perfect puzzle piece for the hole in your heart. When it happens you will just know, and you will wonder how you managed to get through life without her.

In the meantime, I offer my friendship to you for whatever it is worth. You are completely worth it, and it does get better!

When I was 19 I met, Katie. She was the woman of my dreams, or so I thought. We were together for almost a year before we decided to get married. Marriage wasn't technically legal for us then, but we didn't care. She was with me though the time in my life when I, at the age of 20 had a complete nervous breakdown, and a trip to the emergency room for a stress-related tachycardia event. I was terrified at the thought of coming out to my family and friends. It wasn't until the Emergency room doctor told me, "If you don't deal with whatever is causing you this much stress, you will probably die", I was able to finally come out. It cost me everything I had known growing up, but freed me to be myself for the very first time. Finally, we put rings on each other’s fingers and moved across the country to start our lives together.

6 months into our "marriage", Kate tells me she is going back to her parents. She wouldn't explain, and because I was still in love with her I supported her decision, thinking this was a temporary thing, she was homesick, but would be back in a few weeks. What I didn't know was she had met some guy online, and was leaving me for him. No rhyme or reason, no explanation, she was just gone and I was left 3000 miles from the only place I knew as home, without a family and without friends. I was alone. She had taken my heart and soul and destroyed both, and to add insult to injury she left me for a man. How pathetic I must be right?

What I didn't understand at the time, and what I came to realize much later is; she was never the right one for me. The right one would never have done something like that to me in the first place. Even though it took me almost 10 years to pick up the pieces of my heart and soul, and learn to love myself again, as well as let anyone near me that way, I realized the problem wasn't with me, it was with her. She didn't deserve my love, my heart, or my soul. Once I was able to put myself back together and love myself again, I was ready to try and let someone new into my heart. Baby Steps of course, but eventually I opened up to someone and we have now been together for 4 years, through trials and tribulations, we are as committed today as ever.

I hope it doesn't take you as long to pick the pieces up as it took me. You have friends and allies, I never had when I was younger. I did it all by myself, because I was afraid to let ANYONE get to close. In many ways I still am, which is why I have no offline friends, besides my better half. The point is Jenn, she is the problem not you, she didn't deserve your heart, which is why she abused it. You need to love yourself, in order to be ready to find the right person for you, and you are not alone, people want to be friends with you, complete strangers are allied with you in offering their support and encouragement, and we believe in you to make it through this, even if you don't believe in yourself right now."

I can only hope she doesn't give up. The world would be a little less bright without another beautiful soul to help make it a better place.  So, if any of you out there have had thoughts of suicide, attempted it, or know someone who has, I encourage you to reach out to the Jenn's of this world tonight and let them know they are not alone. That is the single, most important thing they need to know, they are not alone. If you can find it within yourself to love a stranger, let them know you care about them as a human being, you understand their pain, and things will get better.

1 comment:

  1. In fact,our lives are not ours.Only who gives life-it is neither the father nor the mother-has the rihgt to take it.Life is more precious than all it contains.It is a duty to live,and we must not be worry about death,we are all going to die.